My journey to be the captain of my life

By: Vincent Reutt (France)

It all started with an amazing decision. We should get pregnant! Saying we are having a baby is not an easy quick decision you take alone, like preparing a cake, watching a movie or cleaning up your garden, at least not for us. We made this decision together, united.

For us, it was a grownup decision that was initiated even before the conditional marriage proposal.. We were ready! We were two grown up people who knew the constraints linked to having a baby, we knew what it meant, and we were well prepared…so we thought.

When you want a baby, you need to be more present and spend more time together, you eventually change jobs and after a few months trying, a year, you start doubting, you start seeking for medical help, you enter in a totally different mindset where the romance, the simplicity, the naturality are replaced, by stats, medicine, shared agendas, etc. You start losing your naivety.

Finally, after many disappointments to say the least, the good news arrived. We were pregnant!!! They’re twins! And we passed what I call the 3 months notice symbolic virtual reinsuring milestone that someone came up with.. we finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel.

After a normal check up at the gynecologist, I had to go back alone to see the doctor to get the results and this is where she told me the bad news: there was an infection in the uterus and sooner or later we were going to lose the babies… it will happen no matter what… it is too late. The whole way back to my house, I realized it became my role to tell my wife that we were going to lose our little girls. Me, the Man that was supposed to protect my family from any adversity, any issues life brings, wouldl have to announce this terrible news.

We lost Anna and Sientje after 17 weeks and 4 days of joy. I lost the same day my naivety in life. I started to change my way of thinking: you cannot predict what will happen, you cannot control anything. And so, I decided to become what I call the captain of my life. Why a Captain?

I consider life like an open sea, with a secure port there and then, and my family and I like a boat. You may encounter calm seas as well as terrifying storms, tempest, and floods during life. You cannot prevent them, you cannot protect your boat from external harm like I was told since I was a little boy,  but what you can do is make sure your boat is well maintained, that the engine is working, that you have fuel, that you are repairing it among your trip in life all parts that have been damaged. Believe me, a 40, 20 or even 10 year old boat has suffered a lot already and you need to take care of it. Focus on yourself, on the ones that are important for you and for your family. Repair/treat them whenever you can, physically and mentally in good times and bad.

After that, we were lucky to have 2 beautiful girls but unfortunate to lose 3 additional babies. I know that if I had not repaired my boat along the way,  I would have sunk many times. As the adversity/water rises, the boat rises, as long as you take good care of it.

You are your inner Hero, you are your inner Captain.

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