How I got over my husband’s sudden death
By: Beatriz Alvarez (Spain)
We seemed invincible. We had a wonderful life, two amazing young children, a beautiful house, an interesting job and, above all, a very clear and exciting future life planned ahead of us. The news was waiting for me when I returned from work: my husband had died in an accident and in an instant, that future that seemed so clear suddenly disappeared and my life was shattered into a thousand pieces.
There is no easy way to get through the sudden death of your husband. I lost weight, I cried, I couldn’t sleep, and I didn’t want to get out of bed. I also knew that I could not break down: I was alone to provide for the children, and I focused on that.
The lessons I learned:
1.- You have to be grateful for the good things that happen to you and that you don’t value. I was grateful for having known authentic love, motherhood and having a wonderful network of family and friends that I relied on.
2.- Life goes on forcefully. For children there is only the present and that is what I focused on: going little by little, day by day. Do not set long-term goals but live in the short term as much as possible.
3.- I also realized that this force of life makes you move forward and, at the same time, gives you other opportunities that you already thought you would never live again.
4.- You have to choose how to face these difficult situations: either wondering why this happened to me and remaining in bitterness, or taking advantage of newfound empathy, which until then I had not felt with such intensity, and which brings one closer to the suffering of the rest.
5- The unbearable pain dissipates little by little, until it becomes a memory with which you are able to live. In time, you are even able to be happy again, which was seemingly impossible.
6.- You have to let yourself be helped by your family and friends network. In life we are not alone and we must allow ourselves to be helped and, at the same time, help others, which is in fact what we are here for.