Cancer made me fully embrace myself
By: Klodjana (United Kingdom)
A cancer diagnosis is far-reaching ,mentally, emotionally, and physically. It is the kind of news that provokes an internal earthquake, having you feel all its seismic waves propagating in all directions. And just like that, in a blink of an eye, nothing is the same anymore. It was November 2020, and I was 40 years old, when the doctor broke the dreadful news of stage 2B cervical cancer. I have always been healthy and fit, never missed a smear test and always looked after myself, so that news literally crashed me down. I had recently moved to a new flat which I loved, found love, or so I thought, had amazing friends and a life I adored. I was feeling on top of my game until I wasn’t.
That earthquake disrupted and shattered my entire world, my dreams and what I have always envisioned for my future. It took away my last hope of motherhood, took away a new love, or what erroneously I believed it was, leaving a huge question mark on the next chapter of my future. And in case this, as it wasn’t enough, to make things even harder, a national lockdown was announced a few days later. So, there I was, in the midst of all my broken pieces and uncertainties, at ground zero, presented with the opportunity to either fully show up for myself and be an active participant of my own healing journey, or throw myself a pity party and spend my days in despair waiting to be saved. As usually happens when a traumatic event occurs, all my triggers got activated hitting me hard, and for the very first time in my life I was left with no choice but to face all those parts of me that I have been neglected, rejected, silenced, punished, and ashamed. My journey turned out to be as much about fighting cancer as it was about showing myself that it was finally time for me to fully embrace, hold, forgive and love ME. It was about ME finally claiming the driver’s seat! During that isolation, along with all the chemorrads I was having another parallel therapy made of pure Love and Compassion from Me to Me.
And so it started, through little baby steps, day by day, the rebuilding process, one broken piece at the time. Accepting that it happened was the starting point and then having faith and trusting my inner knowing! In my head, metaphorically, the hospital was my healing temple, doctors and nurses who took care of me my lightworkers, and then it was me making the conscious choice to enter that temple every day lighthearted and with a positive mindset, truly believing that no matter what life throws at me, I do have what it takes to weather it. And since the Universe wanted to test my new resilience skills, after a few months following my all clear, a few cancer cells were found and a delicate surgery followed. 4 weeks later I’m here grateful for the opportunity to share my story with you.